Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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