He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize