whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
