y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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