And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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