yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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