Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
