so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
4 words: hood of his car
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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