the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
