your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
