I want to have your abortion
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
