I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
