New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
