I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
