Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize