similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
