My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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