on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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