she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
