My balls are so social today.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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