Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
