I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
