Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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