Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
