If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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