I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
