i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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