it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
