She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
