Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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