Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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