genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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