the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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