I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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