He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
