I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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