I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
