Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
time to smoke my breakfast
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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