if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
