Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
