He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
