A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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