____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Barsexuality is the new black.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
