i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
