Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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