Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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