Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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