I wish I could teleport
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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