Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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