they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Did I show you my penis last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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