She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
