i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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