even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
