I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
