So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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