a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
