I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
