He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
