maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
