why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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